Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
