Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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