I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
