Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
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