We won't sleep together?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
