i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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