we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
