We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
