I puked a lego.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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