that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
