Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
