So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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