I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
