I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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