You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
