Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
