I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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