the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
