from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
