I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
