he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
