can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
