Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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