dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
