Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
