i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
