when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
