So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
