Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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