It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So. Much. Porn.
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