Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
