i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize