That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
