once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
