I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
