so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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