my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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