Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
