omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
and she was petting her beer can
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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