they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
