I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He better not be in your backpack
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
