Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize