I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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