Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
