Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize