i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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