I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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