porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize