Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
