Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
