Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize