Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
