so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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