sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
