You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
