I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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