RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
