what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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