I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
