"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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