guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i came on her dog
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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