I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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