Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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