I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
