where am i from again
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
