So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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