Dual....:-)
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
