omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
