What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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