So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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