She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
