took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
