She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
