i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
